i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
