She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
