the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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