I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize