id be glad to
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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