Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
