there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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