Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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