She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Randomize
