Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
