i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
