If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize