This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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