How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Randomize
