So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
i think my cat just said my name.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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