Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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