Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
being pregnant is like rehab
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
