it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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