You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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