He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
we're making bets on your personal life
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
