i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
