The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
