If you die in college, do you die in real life?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Someone came in the potted fern
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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