How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
