While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
