Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
