To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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