I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
