tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
