That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
