fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize