I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
