Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
