Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
