Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
