how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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