I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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