there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
