Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
