I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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