Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
