The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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