ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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