You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
