the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
