How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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