Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
