If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
