...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
