There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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