Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
