she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
