I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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