Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I checked into jail on foursquare
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
