I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize