I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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