i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
