I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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