I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
not ubering you a puppy
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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