i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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