There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
