are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
